To my beloved children:

My prayer for each of you is that you will all one day find true love in your life. But please know this, the pursuit of true love is a risky matter because feelings of love can make a person so very happy and they can also make a person so very sad. Regarding the risks of feeling in love, I’ve heard it said, “It is better to have loved and lost love, than it is to have never loved at all.” In my view, this statement encapsulates very well the real emotional risks inherent in the action of pursuing love. In fact, in my life, I have learned that pursuing love certainly has its very real vulnerabilities and emotional risks; however, I have also learned, even more importantly, that true love is love rooted in choice rather than feelings.

You see, feelings of love can come and they can also go, depending on the emotional state and well-being of people. And because feelings are fickle, people “feeling” in love will also likely feel fearful, anxious, and insecure in their love relationship. As a result, love rooted in feelings alone is often deceiving and unfortunately often short-lived in relationships. To me, this is very sad because love doesn’t have to be this way when it is true love.

True love is love that lasts a lifetime because it is fundamentally rooted in people’s choice and not their feelings. Plus, love rooted in choice is true because it is the only kind of love that can be unconditional. You see, love rooted in feelings focuses on what a person receives from another person by feeling in love; whereas, love rooted in choice focuses on what a person gives to another person by choosing to love. This is a vast difference that makes all the difference in true love.

Therefore, to possess true love that lasts forever, choose to love others with your whole heart, always and forever, no matter what. If you make this kind of intentional decision to truly love others from your heart, you will not only experience true love forever, you will never fear having true love in your life.

With God’s grace, you’ve got this and you can do it!!

Your imperfect loving,


True Love Copyright 2016, Gary J. Borgstede.  You have permission to reprint the letter, True Love, in its entirety only, and forward to your colleagues and friends, provided the copyright notice remains part of the reprint and transmission.  All other rights reserved.